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Real Estate humour

How about some jokes today?

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A client bought a new home and the REALTOR wanted to send flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the home and the owner read the card; it said, "Rest in Peace".

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new home".

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Best Deal in TOWN:
One Sunday afternoon a couple sees an ad in the paper. They can't believe their eyes. There is a house in the paper for $1000 that is in the nicest part of town. We are talking about a Highland Park mansion for $1000. They think this has to be a misprint, but decide to call anyway.
They say to lady who answers we saw your ad, and realize it is a misprint correct. She tells them no it's not & you are actually the first ones to call.
They decide to go look at the house. They race over as fast as they can. They pull up to the most beautiful house on the block. In front of the house is a fountain that cost at least $30,000. They ring the door bell & the lady answers. She starts showing them the house. They realize this house is over 5000 sq ft and it is obvious that no expense was spared while building this house. The house had marble imported from Italy & a chandelier imported from France. The landscaping was breath taking & the house had a great pool & a tennis court.
The couple said to the lady this is the most beautiful house we have ever seen, what's the catch? The lady assured the couple there was no catch. The couple wanted the house for $1,000 but was leery of doing the deal. Finally the lady said you seem like a nice couple, so I'll let you know the truth.
She told them this house is completely paid for, and not a penny is owed against it. Well, last week I got a call from my Husband. He informed me he is leaving me for his secretary. He then told me I could have everything we own as long as he could have the proceeds of the sale of the house. I agreed and he asked me if I could sell the house while he & his new girlfriend hung out in the Caribbean?
HOUSE SOLD.

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AGENT: "How much are they asking for your rent now?"
BUYER: "Oh, about twice a day."

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When the last of their three children was about to leave home, my parents decided to buy a smaller house.

The Real Estate sign went up.

A week later, a second "For Sale" sign appeared two doors away.

"Soon you'll have new families on either side of you," my mother remarked to the neighbor whose house was in the middle. "We're thinking of putting up our own sign," she replied wistfully. "It would read: 'Was it something we said?' "

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"This house," explained the REALTOR, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.
"The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."
"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."